Ghost Writer only played in one theater here, and it was that old one that shows indie movies and is populated, at least when I’ve been there, almost exclusively by elderly people. They seemed to like Ghost Writer just fine, probably remembering Pierce Brosnan from Remington Steele days and thinking about what a cool name Pierce is. Doesn’t that seem like the kind of name old people would like?
Critics have been loving this uni-screened film and it’s not hard to see why. It moves pretty slowly and the sets are gorgeous. There’s a beach house that most critics probably imagine themselves criticizing from with lots of stark concrete and a really good DSL connection.
Kim Cattrall is in this and here’s something I didn’t know. IMDb (the only site that matters) says she was born in Liverpool! That’s right, the hottest Sex and the City star was the fifth Beatle! I’m not sure how I would have known that, but I feel like I should have. If you knew it, good for you! Try to be gracious about it.
Also hailing from England and starring in GW is Olivia Williams, pretty much playing the character she played on Dollhouse, but I’ll bet there isn’t an awful lot of GW/Dollhouse crossover, so it’s not a problem.
Younger Version Obi-Wan is in the role the previously imagined critics imagine themselves in, writing and writing and not being appreciated. Also drinking like a fish. If I drank half of what he downs in this movie, it would be about a writer who’s always apologizing and then falling asleep.
There’s usually a reason critics like movies that critics like, and that’s the case here. It’s a good, solid movie that doesn’t need to blow up or jump out in 3D to impress you. If you are named Pierce, and you are drinking heavily, I’ll bet this will be your favorite movie of the year.
A former Democratic congressman says his party “set him up” after he opposed health care. His claim was dismissed after everyone realized that to set him up, Democrats would have had to work together.
At some colleges, professors are banning laptops from classrooms and insisting students take notes with pencils. Assuming the students have taken Early American History and know what a pencil is.
Women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol are less likely to gain weight. Or they just work it off sleeping with guys they can’t believe they slept with the next day.
Two of the oldest people in the US have died, shocking no one, and making no one stop and take stock of their lives.
A woman that Conan O’Brien randomly chose to follow on Twitter is now getting her dream wedding supplied by the attention she’s received. So for all you haters who think Twitter is a waste of time, here’s one example out of… millions… that… kind of… OK fine. But it’s still a nice story.
States are slowly lessening restrictions on marijuana. At the same time they hope to increase revenues with a 98% sales tax on Doritos. Coincidence?
An estimated 41 million people tuned in to see “The Hurt Locker” win the Oscar for Best Picture, which comes out to 40,999,999 more people than saw “The Hurt Locker.”
The White House has revealed this year’s Easter egg design, so don’t worry, people, things in Washington are happening!
A 66 ton boulder broke off from a cliff and crashed onto a highway in Colorado yesterday, blocking traffic and leaving one brown coyote with an accordion fold injury to his entire body.
The city of Detroit wants to save itself by downsizing. Within ten years city planners hope to reduce it to a Dollar Store, a gas station, and a trendy restaurant called “Eat.”
This shouldn’t be funny, but it is
Watch the guys in the background
Snowboarding hasn’t evolved much
Creepy site of the week
Harder than you think
The first woman to win an Oscar for Best Picture, Kathryn Bigelow, says she looks forward to the day when filmmakers are not categorized by gender, and she just beats her ex at stuff because she likes beating him, not because she’s a woman.
Avatar, directed by James Cameron, Bigelow’s ex, won three Oscars but all in the kind of categories that no one cares about except the winners, who will lord it over the other cinematographers and art directors at bitchy levels most of us can’t even imagine.
The Fed has proposed a new rule to limit credit card fees. Credit card companies described the effort as “adorable.”
Nancy Pelosi is asking the White House what’s next for health care reform, which is odd because “next” implies that something has happened already.
Eight men out in Scottsdale, Arizona gathered to discuss how to improve the game of baseball. Most agreed that baseball would be more interesting if it was played on a football field, by guys in football uniforms, using a football.
Man In Chicken Suit Shot On Street is an actual headline today. It’s okay because it was a b.b. to the thigh and he was back at work three hours later. But, Man In Chicken Suit Shot On Street. Also, the man chose the chicken suit because he was by his own admission too fat to fit into the cow suit. Keep this in mind if you think you’re having a rough day today.
A Jamaican man has entered the Iditarod sled race in yet another example of an intrepid islander losing a rum fueled bet.
A group of scientists have agreed that the asteroid impact theory of dinosaur extinction is true. The impact was equal to 100 million tons of TNT and more powerful than all the nuclear bombs in existence going off all at once. If you want to get a sense of exactly how powerful that is, just imagine that you’re alive, and then a second later, you’re not.
An Australian underwear company is launching a line of men’s underwear made from bananas. Helpful tip: Buy them early in the week so they’ll be edible by the weekend.
A baby mammoth from the Ice Age is on display at a museum 42,000 years after it died. So, hang in there, Oscar losers! You never know when your time in the spotlight will come!
Alice in Wonderland in 3D IMAX was pretty trippy. Even today, I’m having Alice flashbacks. A paperweight on my desk got me a cranberry scone which I didn’t even know I wanted until it told me. It was delicious, it tasted like dreams. Dragons! Sorry, that was just the phone.
Seeing the movie in 3D is pretty cool. As you know, 3D means 3 dimensions, and those dimensions are Earth, Wind, and Fire. I’m not sure what they had to do with making the movie, but the butterflies came right off the screen. It’s science.
You know Johnny Depp is in this, he’s in every 5th movie made in the United States, and all of the Tim Burton movies, so the odds were good. But you might not know Snape is in it. His voice anyway. He’s smoking a hookah, and the butterflies come right off the screen! Dragons! Sorry, that was just Scott’s phone. Scott is not a dragon or a butterfly or a scone. I’m going to keep telling myself that until I believe it.
The 3D glasses pinched a little and wouldn’t quit asking me how to get to Vancouver. They wanted to go to the Olympics. I tried to explain that the Olympics were over, but they kept saying time is fluid and they had just been to next year’s X Games and they were awesome.
Don’t drive after you see this movie. Get the dragon to drive. Or Scott.
* Most critically lauded film that you saw and were like “What?”
* Best Movie directed by Gary Marshall (never presented)
* Best Performance by a hot actress playing a frump
* Best application of Duane ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s body make-up
* The Ed Begley Jr. Award for most self-righteous Prius driver
* Most bullets fired by a single character
* The “Ooh! It’s Indie!” for most pretentious piece of yuppie-bait
* Best Craft Table Hummus
* Best Performance by restaurant background couple
Something in sauces, chili, stew, hot dogs, gravy, seasoned snack foods and dressings might be bad for you. Also bad for you: sauces, chili, stew, hot dogs, gravy, seasoned snack foods and dressings that don’t contain the thing that might be bad for you.
The jobless rate is holding steady. It’s nice to know there’s something you can count on in this crazy economy.
Apparently a full year isn’t nearly long enough for a roomful of Democrats to come to an agreement. On the plus side, molasses is delighted to no longer be the poster child for slowness. Way to go, molasses!
Several ferries were stuck in ice off the coast of Sweden for several hours before being freed by ice breakers. The nearly one thousand stranded passengers described the ordeal as about as exciting as a Swedish film. And now, a Swedish film maker has announced plans to make a movie based on the ordeal, where one thousand people sit in silence for five hours.
New York’s skinniest apartment, the one that’s only 9 and 1/2 feet across, is once again for rent at $10,000 dollars a month. Sure, that seems steep. But don’t forget that in New York you can get a knish at 3 am, or whatever it is they won’t shut up about.
Nevada prostitutes are holding a charity auction. This is where we’d make the “clothes are half off” joke, but since everything’s legal in Nevada, they’re probably 100 percent off.
As new details pour in about the naked woman tied to a tree, it turns out it was consensual, and everything’s going to be OK. Still, the standard summing-up cliché, “nothing to see here, folks” does not apply.
The governor of Wyoming has made the 10 principles of the cowboy “Code of the West” a symbolic part of state law. The rules include living courageously, finishing what you start and talking less. Not listed is the unwritten 11th principle, “If it’s still a-wigglin’, shoot it again.”
Happy people tend to talk more than unhappy people. Which partially explains what the unhappy people are unhappy about.
Sarah Palin is pitching a TV show about Alaska. The show builds episode by episode toward a climax when she suddenly quits 18 months before the end of the season.
“Really, Fuddruckers? A whole restaurant built around the concept that someone might swear by mistake?” – Dee Ann
* Best Soundtrack Song by Gloomy Indie Band that nobody will ever hear from again
* Best Boy (What is that anyway?)
* Dog that most reminded everyone of that one dog, from that one movie with the dog
* Creepiest Creepy Kid
* Best Tolerance of Nicolas Cage
* Best telephone conversation when no one’s really on the line
* Best Boobs in 3-D
* Best Scene That makes you yell, “He would have so died from that!”
* Best Movie Poster that over promised laughter…by, like, a LOT
* Most Scientologistical
Multiple Olympic medalist and Dancing With The Stars winner Apolo Ohno says current contestant Pamela Anderson is, “too top heavy” to win. This may be true, but millions will DVR her efforts to get a fair shake.
“L.A. Gang Tours” offers sightseers a chance to explore some of the most famously dangerous real estate in California. Tickets start at 75 dollars, and tear drop tattoos next to your eye are available for a small fee.
Some slaughterhouses are unsafe. Especially for, you know, the slaughtered animals. Mostly, because of the slaughtering.
Hulu may start charging for content. Just FYI, if you’re paying to see who the Biggest Loser is, you’ve just answered your own question.
New York Governor David Paterson faces ethics charges, just in case anyone forgot that he’s a New York Governor.
Four German citizens have been convicted of plotting attacks against the west. Their first mistake was picking way too vague a target.
A Swedish airline pilot was cited for flying with a fake license. Plus, when he was pulled over, he was doing, like 680.
More and more people are giving birth at home. Mostly women.
“Pride and Predjudice and Zombies” was a surprise hit, so now lots of other mash-up books are jumping on the bandwagon. Still our idea with vampires – Newssuckings – has yet to catch fire.
Pam and Jim are having their baby tonight. Not at home.
