At least they’re honest
Something that will stop your shoe addiction in its tracks
No strings
That’s what she said
Nice idea, not-so-nice watch
“Call me weird, but occasionally I like my revenge piping hot with a couple good shots
of Tabasco.” - Scott
The Saints clinched yesterday’s Super Bowl when a pass intended for the Colts’ Reggie Wayne was intercepted by Betty White. Either that or there was a little too much beer at our Super Bowl party.
If you’re one of those people who feel like you really don’t know how to feel about something until you know how Kim Kardashian feels about it, here’s your chance to sum up the Super Bowl.
The Saints won, so there was a bit of a party in New Orleans last night. At one point in the celebration, police were called on a 213, which to the N.O.P.D. is a lack of public nudity.
A space shuttle has launched which is great news if you were worried that we don’t have space shuttle money.
The Federal Government has stopped working today due to up to 30 inches of snow that fell in the capitol over the weekend. At last! An excuse!
Sarah Palin won’t rule out a run for the presidency in 2012. Because, hey, if it doesn’t work out, she can always quit in 2014.
A sword swallower from Australia has set a new world’s record by swallowing 18 swords at the same time. The effort was carefully monitored, and nothing was damaged down under.
Katie Couric shows off her sexy side in a pictorial article for Harpers Bazaar this month, and as you might have guessed, Katie Couric’s sexy side is still totally adorable.
A few women in their 30’s were finally able to elbow past the horde of a billion geeks over the weekend, as Dear John beat Avatar for the number one spot at the box office.
Here’s the thing: it’s nice to see John Travolta having a good time. When he’s having fun, the audience will have fun. When he gets serious, well, you wish he’d just go back to having fun, for his sake. For our sake. For America’s sake. OK, America can get by either way, but it’s still nice. No wig, no trainer, no boiled chicken to get to Staying Alive shape, just shootin’ stuff and blowin’ stuff up and being frustrated by a young partner in the classic buddy cop framework.
John does some kung fu, too, and he’s either stunt doubled well or he learned some stuff. Either way, fun. His partner is a guy named Jonathan Rhys Meyers . It’s pretty well documented how I feel about actors with names I can’t say, and I’m working on it. But Rhys? Maybe he comes from a place where Rhys is like Smith or Patel, but how about “R”? Or just Jon Meyers? Is he afraid he’d be mistaken for John Mayer? Would that be so bad?
And now that you’ve brought up the whole name thing, which I don’t even know why you did, the female lead (to the extent that there’s ever a female lead in a buddy cop movie) is named Smutniak. Again, maybe in Poland Smutniak is like Lopez, but in the big movie market, smut is a category, not a moniker.
Even with 10 movies in the “best” bracket, this one might not make it next year, but if movies are about fun, well, this is one. See it soon, because it’s not going to count for Valentine’s Day. No, for Valentine’s Day you probably want to go with smut.
Only about 20% of what gets turned in gets accepted and becomes a Shoebox card.
Here, we feature the other 80%.
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My retirement plan ran into a snag.
It turns out that ostriches are really mean.
Hope your birthday doesn’t bite.
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Sometimes I think your friendship is what keeps me from going crazy!
Well, your friendship and the fear of restraints, and the cold, cold tile,
and the heartless doctors, and the head-shaving…
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No one ever regrets matching her bra and panties on her birthday.
Even if it’s just going to the E.R. because you choked on baby carrots.
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With luck, your generation won’t be the generation that has to
turn to cannibalism.
Congratulations!
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Inner beauty never ages…so you should see about getting some.
Soon.
Happy Birthday
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Get well or I’ll shoot you.
Oh wait…that’s horses.
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” I can’t tango to save my life, but I can do the robot like you would not believe.
You would think I was an actual metallic robot, I swear to God.” - Chris C
Here’s how to have healthy snacks for Superbowl Sunday. Because, really, like your taste buds are going to function after that much beer anyway.
Wow, do we ever agree with this story about the bank employee who should not be fired for looking at supermodels at work. We really, really agree. Many salient points. In principle, we could not agree more.
The band Men at Work will have to pay 40-60 percent of their royalties from the song “Down Under” after a judge determined that the flute riff was stolen from an Australian folk song called “Kooaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree,” which was written for a Girls Guide jamboree in 1935. The authors of “Found a Peanut” and “On Top of Spaghetti” are scouring songs for any sign of their tunes.
Seriously (and again, only theoretically), banking is a tough job, especially in this economy. Should we vilify one brave, possibly heroic man? No, we should not.
A New Yorker is facing a $135 fine after using a female mannequin in the passenger seat so he could use the faster high-occupancy vehicle lane. Sadly, he was in a hurry to get to a motel.
A restaurant in Butte, Montana was burglarized three times in four days. Yet they didn’t steal the “e” off the Butte sign, which would have been hi-larious!
Five crates of Scotch and two of brandy left behind by an Antarctic explorer 100 year ago have been found. The team that uncovered the treasure has pronounced it a demarkable riscovery. Also, they wanted us to say that they love each other. They really do! Everyone!
Astronomers have reported that Pluto is changing color, whereupon the cool astronomers laughed at them for still paying attention to Pluto.
President Obama called for health care talks yesterday, so that should get all worked out now.
The wilds of Patagonia are apparently a great vacation spot, if you have an extra ten grand and would like some time away from anything ever invented by man.
The new American Tea Party movement has proven it is currently the most effective group of yellers yelling in America today. As proof of this, several groups of Tea Party members began yelling at other groups of Tea Party members when they ran out of other people to yell at during a march on Washington yesterday.
by Maureen & Allyson
1) ” Ma ma say ma ma sah ma ma coo sah!”
2) “Sussudio!”
3) “Hooga chaka”
4) “Wang chung”
5) “Bippity-Boppity-Boo!”
First Lady Michelle Obama accidentally said something, perhaps forgetting for a moment that she is First Lady Michelle Obama and she’s not supposed to say anything because it makes people go crazy.
Do you know who Ke$ha is? Because we did not know who Ke$ha is, and we feel like maybe we $hould.
Guess what? The problem with Prius might be a computer problem. It’s like living in the future isn’t it? Gone are the days of spark plugs and carburetors! Now we have computer problems with our cars! Teleportation is around the corner!
A UK court has ruled that a man who secretly built his own castle has to tear it down. Authorities face a challenge enforcing the ruling, as two have already been squashed by cows flying over the parapet.
The head of Taylor Swift’s record label is defending her Grammy-night performance, saying she’s “the voice of this generation.” Which is true, judging from the voices we’ve heard at karaoke bars.
An underwater volcano has erupted near Japan, according to Mothra, who was a little crabby after being awakened from a 1,000-year sleep by the vibrations.
Pamela Anderson might be on “Dancing With the Stars.” Once they install the pole.
“Avatar” has now made $601 million domestically. Wow. That’s AIG-bonus level money.
Here’s what adults can do with Legos when they’re supposed to be helping around the house, for Pete’s sake.
“Toyota Recall” is wrongly being used by news media outlets who think everyone gets the “Total Recall” movie pun. We’d like to suggest “Totoya Recall” or “Toyotal Recall,” with the tag line, “Surprise!” which is what that robot lady’s head says right before she explodes. That’s how you do it! That’s how you write headline puns!
