* Hmmm. Those pix are just… hmmm * How cute, I guess * I love these whistling monkey photos * Awwww! Who knew a leaky condom would turn out so cute! * Enough with the friggin' baby. I need help on Farmville! * Looks just like Daddy!  No, not your husband… Daddy * Wow!  That head must've... well, that's a big head! * Do you have better pics, or are these the best ones? * Blah, blah cute! Blah, blah adorable! When are we going out for beers? * Your attempt to save your failing marriage is beautiful * Congats on your baby. And on getting laid. Finally * That's the best dried-potato doll I've seen in a long time * Boy, you can't miss that birthmark!

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“Even if my cat could do it, I don’t think he’d bother to sort the recycling.” - Chris C.

Steve Jobs says those silly TV networks will eventually crumble before the awesome power of the mighty Internet, but we’ll have to wait for future comic books to find out how. Automakers reported weak sales for August. Said one automaker, “Whoopie! We had sales!” Paris and her boyfriend have been banned from a couple of Las Vegas casinos.  Because they are so smart that they can literally count the cards and are unbeatable at… nah, it’s the drug thing. adltz may suum b txt as much a teen@ but thay r not as fats or acurbte. The baseball season is heating up, or as we call it in Kansas City, winding down, which is as good a time as any to remind everyone why they should resent Derek Jeter. Novelty lighters can no longer be sold in Massachusetts. So good luck finding that one shaped like a tiny Pilgrim. Doesn’t it seem like Stink Bug season comes sooner and sooner each year? A Minnesota mayor who has been charged with drunk driving explained that he is an alcoholic.  Due to this, he is now being groomed for a federal office because he’ll be much more comfortable in Washington. In his new memoir, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair praises former President Bush for his “immense simplicity,” because the British think that all Americans are too stupid to realize what an insult that is. Joe Biden was on hand to announce the command transfer in Iraq.  U.S. military officials hope the transition will look smooth when standing next to Biden.

"I used to always refuse people when they offered me treats. I thought it was the polite thing to say, 'No, thanks!' Recently I figured out you’re allowed to say 'Okay,' if you really want one. Just don’t go overboard, though." Serving a summer stint as a Hallmark humor writer, Anne the Intern loves Espanol. Lujoso! Ensalada!

"Butt dimples are just proof that every part of me can smile." - Melissa

The whole Iraq deal is cleared up now, so that’s good news.  Maybe now national attention will turn to the potholes in front of our houses, which will only get worse if not fixed before winter. The best government jobs are in the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Government Accountability Office, according to a new listing. Worst is being a “dad-blamed revenuer,” unless you want a butt full of buckshot. The Tea Party guy won the Republican primary up in Alaska. Course, they really appreciate a hot cup of tea up there. Bristol Palin says she plans to wear modest outfits on "Dancing With The Stars" because she apparently does not know why people watch "Dancing With The Stars." Demi dancing at a Snoop Dogg concert.  Cute? Sad? Sexy? Desperate? Fun? Scary? So many emotions! First another Emmy, now the cover of Rolling Stone.  Soon, Mad Men may be so famous that everyone hates it. High schools are banning cancer awareness bracelets that say “I Love Boobies.” The enthusiastic cries of “Me too!” from 10^th grade boys were just too disruptive. The debate continues over whether to build a casino next to the historic Gettysburg battlefield. If they build it, we suggest you bet on the blue. California’s not going to ban plastic bags after all. As long as everyone agrees to only put tofu and organic mung beans in them. Goats have been hired to remove troublesome kudzu vines.  Then, bobcats will be hired to remove troublesome goats, then lions to remove troublesome bobcats, then elephants to remove troublesome lions, then kudzu will be grown to trip up troublesome elephants.

* Toy Story 4: Recalled! * Lovely Bones 2: Electric Boogaloo * Aliens vs. Predators vs. Betty White * Indiana Jones in the Catacombs of Incontinence * Frost/Nixon 3-D * Untitled Matthew McConaughey Project * Three X-Men and a Baby * Being John Larroquette * Marley & Michael Vick * Sleepless in Sheboygan * It Happened One College Football Saturday * Pac-Man: Legacy * The Commendables: A Documentary Capturing Trite Good Deeds by Aging Stars