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Being a mom has made me so much
more responsible...
I NEVER forget my birth control now.
___________________
Pioneer moms had it much
harder than we do.
They lived in brutal conditions
with no appliances,
and their men smelled
terrible.
I'm basing this on one
weekend of camping,
but I'm certain it's right.
___________________
Babies are little bits
of heaven...
... if you don't sleep
in heaven.
___________________
Experts say we should
treat our kids with
dignity and respect.
Which can be hard
to do with someone
who's been known
to poop in the bathtub.
___________________
Motherhood often requires
kissing a few boo-boos...
... and, every now and then,
having to divorce one of them.
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Wishing you a happy Mother’s Day
doesn’t seem like enough for all
the hard work, the sacrifices,
the countless, thankless little jobs,
not to mention the 26 hours in labor…
Well, this card certainly has taken
an ugly turn.
____________________
Mistaken Hollywood Quote #14:
“Nobody puts Baby out with
the bathwater.”
Dance as dirty as you want today.
____________________
Since when did my bank get all
emotional about its relationship
with me?
I’ll always be there for you,
through good times and bad,
like a bank.
____________________
Nothing tests one’s character
like coming upon a steamroller
with keys in the ignition.
May your birthday be filled
with unexpected opportunities.
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Research studies indicate that men
think about sex every two sex.
Thinking of you today… mostly.
_________________
It'd be pretty cool to be
important enough to have
to sometimes go "off the record."
Happy birthday, and you can
totally quote me on that.
_________________
Keep in touch.
Not literally, though.
In fact, let’s drop
the touching part altogether
and just keep in talk.
_________________
No one wants to disappoint
their mother.
That’s why I lie so much.
It’s really kind of your fault, Mom.
_________________
When I think of you,
I experience
a certain longing.
Or is it, “lengthening?”
Whatever it is, whoo, boy!
Do I experience it!
_________________
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Turning 21?
Better get busy...
...those shots ain't gonna
throw themselves up!
___________
I’m afraid you won’t have time
for me because of your new
baby.
Oh gosh, I meant it as a joke,
but it’s true!
___________
You turned out to be
a great mom!!
Sorry to sound surprised,
but I thought you were
a trophy wife.
___________
It took Rasputin being poisoned, stabbed, shot
four times and beaten before he finally died.
I bet that dude could really party!
(Have a Rasputinesque birthday!)
___________
We may never see each other
again. Please know that it was
fun.
Oh, and your arms are kind of
long for your body.
___________
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I’m so glad I ended up with you…
My other prospects kinda sucked, Michigan MI Mich.. Oregon OR Ore., __________________
Mom, of all the things I learned
from your example…
… the best of all was
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Remember how kids never used seat belts
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Buckle up for a happy birthday, buy zovirax online cheap.
_________________
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__________________
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__________________
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__________________
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You’re fun to hang out with.
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__________________
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You’re engaged.
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____________________
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____________________
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___________________________
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___________________________
Good: Taking your daughter to see Hanna Montana
Bad: Enjoying it a little too much
Also Bad: Wearing the T-shirt
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___________________________
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Son, cheapest advair online, Flexeril, you’ve come a long way…
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_______________________
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_______________________
Your retirement can only mean one thing...
You finally coasted to a stop.
Congratulations.
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You may not be the best-looking man in the world…
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___________________________________
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Happy Anniversary
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___________________________________
Plants can feel pain, but you
never hear them whining about it.
Just another way my mother is not like a plant.
___________________________________.
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