We’ve already discussed how great Tom Hardy is, and he’s added another page to the Tom Hardy Is Great book that now that I think about it I might write. In Lawless he’s the leader of a moonshine makin’ family during Prohibition. It’s based on a true story and you’d believe he’s the actual guy and not an English actor.
And remember how in Batman he was shot at angles that made him look huge? In Lawless he underplays like crazy, he’s hardly audible most of time, and he wears cardigans. The whole movie. Cardigans. At one point, he’s wearing a sweater vest under a cardigan, and he still seems completely scary, even though he might also break into a song about being your neighbor. So in a weird mouth-breather apparatus in Gotham or a cardigan in the hills, he’s equally chilling. That’s range, folks.
Shia has a tougher time making you forget he’s a guy who talks to his car that’s also a popular toy and he used to be on Even Stevens. But I saw him on ChelseaLately and he seemed like a kind of cool hippie kid or something, so maybe that’s the way he should go. He should for sure shy away from cardigans. He’s no Tom Hardy.
How you feel about this movie is going to be heavily, heavily influenced by how you feel about Dax Shepard. If you’re like me (and I believe a good 13, maybe 14% of you are), then your feelings about him are mixed to none. I thought he was a jackass, like from the show, but it turns out it was Punk’d, and I was surprised to find he’s engaged to Kristen Bell, his co-star in this movie that he wrote and directed.
It’s kind of hard to imagine if you have the jackass image in your head, but in this movie they are really kind of adorable together and you’ll be able to kind of see it.
Another surprise in the film is that Tom Arnold is really funny and likable. I had him in my head as the tag-along OK comic who got semi-famous by marrying Roseanne and surviving. He’s way past that here, and IMDb says he’s the voice of an oven mitt, so we’ve all learned something about judging, haven’t we? Going forward, you 13, maybe 14%, let’s try to be better people. Let’s give Dax and Kristen a chance, and maybe think of Tom Arnold next time you enjoy a Jamocha shake.
The Newsdroppings staff is enjoying a semi-well deserved day off. But don’t worry, they’ll be back tomorrow with more hard hitting news! Or maybe not so hard hitting, depending on how they celebrate the day off.
The NFL and the Army are teaming up to battle concussions in a really depressing all-star game.
Warren Buffet gave $600 Million to children on his birthday, so good luck topping that Kid Next Door.
Honey Boo Boo finally reigned Grand Supreme last night. And over Mitt Romney no less.
Least spoilery spoiler alert ever: the Republican Convention formally chose Mitt Romney as their candidate. So now we probably won’t hear any more about politics until the election in November.
If you’re trying to get around salmonella advisories, stick to pizza and donuts.
Simon Cowell helped rescue nine people from a sinking yacht, but not before he berated their sailing skills and disheveled appearance.
Are Kim and Kanye planning a wedding? A grateful nation of reality fans and lawyers certainly hopes so!
An 8-year-old boy is $63,000 richer thanks to some whale vomit he found on the beach. Some people know a great opportunity when they slip and fall in it and get all gross.
And in still more animal news, hundreds of turtles were found along the side of a California highway. Meanwhile, hundreds of rabbits were on the other side, sleeping and not taking the turtles seriously.
A missing woman in Iceland joined a search for herself, immediately cementing her place in the Hide and Seek Hall of Fame.
Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan spoke at the Republican convention last night, and SPOILER ALERT: He hopes Romney wins. You heard it here first.
Millions of super-massive black holes have been discovered, to which we say, “Call us when you discover millions of super-massive donut holes.”
Bill Cosby, Rihanna and Eddie Murphy are not dead. Ever notice how these not-dead stories always come in threes?
Who’s 25? Bad’s 25.
A man has been fired for using a fake dime in a laudromat in 1963. Just a reminder: Don’t do the dime if you can’t do the time.
Our campaign to get sleep swimming in the 2016 Olympics starts right now.
A new study shows teens who “feel” fat will eventually get fat. We’ve been feeling super cool for a long time so it’s bound to kick in soon.
The Queen drives and wears hoodies when she’s out with friends, solidifying her place in Cool Grandma history.
If you think your baby can read, you may be the victim of a false advertising scheme. Have your baby look up the phone number of a local attorney and call them right away.
Here are some memorable lines that you probably think people said, but they didn’t really say them. For example, we never said, “Please don’t offer us brownies with fudge sauce and vanilla bean ice cream.”
From our Not All That Surprising News Department: Quite a bit of the Freshman 15 might be liquid.
Thieves has stolen Dr. Phil’s classic car. No word on how that makes him feel.
China still holds the bikini parade record after several women in Ocean City Maryland accidentally walked past a three-way mirror and, um, remembered a previous appointment.
The world’s oldest woman turned 116 over the weekend. She attributes her long life to not eating junk food, so, it looks like we’re not going to see 116 after all.
Pink noise might help you sleep better than white noise, but your house may smell like strawberry lemonade.
The only problem with a life-size Darth Vader cake is that everyone wants a hand piece.
Ann Romney is set to speak about her husband at the Republican Convention this evening, so, if you base your presidential decisions on whether the candidate leaves his wet towel on the bathroom floor or puts it in the hamper, tonight might be your chance to find out.
Also, that rumor about John Mayer dating the Curiosity Mars rover is probably just a rumor. Probably.
Airlines would rather you didn’t wear stuff that might make other fliers uncomfortable, like really lo-cut tops, or T-shirts with dirty words on them, or parachutes.
According to scientists, we all may be forced to become vegetarians by 2050. Luckily, we’ve been bacon-hoarding years.
This boy who wore braces for 11 years is upset, and understandably so. Who would want something that isn’t bacon in their mouth for 11 years?
Doesn’t it seem like there’s just an endless amount of stuff we can argue about? Big things, of course, but also so many little things that it doesn’t seem like an exaggeration to say there are certainly some of us who will argue over anything.
Bicycles, for example. Not whether you should ride them in the road with your spandexed buddies, but, believe it or not, whether that bike has brakes or gears or not. That’s right, fixie culture exists, and it’s ready to argue. So the movie has lots of super fast downtown traffic biking, but in between there is seething resentment that often boils over about whether your bike can go into second. These arguments are set against a race against time, and a truly scary bad guy.
Michael Shannon, who became huge with a small film called Take Shelter, is really seriously scary. Like, the other cast members probably ate lunch with him, but mostly out of fear. If you’ve never had a fear lunch at work, I don’t recommend it. They are not even as fun as they sound, but this guy, well, he seems like he (the guy, not the character, but also the character) has an unpredictably virulent streak and just might at any point do something horrifying. That’s good for a villain, not so much for a guy you’re eating lunch with.
For example, it would be best to see what kind of bike he prefers and just say that’s the one you prefer too. Don’t get into an argument with him. And if you rode to the commissary on a fixie and he’s freewheelin’ it, well, just walk back to the set.
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds went out for fancy ice cream as part of the ongoing effort to make normal people feel just a little less fabulous.
A lion on the loose in a British village is quickly becoming the town’s mane attraction.
Old fashioned roller coasters still offer travelers thrills, only now it’s wondering if the seat belts work.
This prized ham sold at auction for $300,000. Would anybody be mad if we made a “bringing home the bacon” joke here?
Who will be inducted into the Robot Hall of Fame? Well, whoever it is, get ready for the least emotional Hall of Fame induction speeches ever.
Four out of five newspapers agree that when there’s no news, they take another poll.
Mitt Romney doesn’t like Obama’s ads. For one thing, not enough of them are pro-Romney.
The Dallas Cowboys have told wide receiver Dez Bryant that he can no longer go to strip clubs. As a consolation, they’ll start playing dance music in the locker room.