September 2, 2010
9:30 am
* Hmmm. Those pix are just… hmmm
* How cute, I guess
* I love these whistling monkey photos
* Awwww! Who knew a leaky condom would turn out so cute!
* Enough with the friggin' baby. I need help on Farmville!
* Looks just like Daddy! No, not your husband… Daddy
* Wow! That head must've... well, that's a big head!
* Do you have better pics, or are these the best ones?
* Blah, blah cute! Blah, blah adorable! When are we going out for beers?
* Your attempt to save your failing marriage is beautiful
* Congats on your baby. And on getting laid. Finally
* That's the best dried-potato doll I've seen in a long time
* Boy, you can't miss that birthmark!
August 31, 2010
2:56 pm
* Toy Story 4: Recalled!
* Lovely Bones 2: Electric Boogaloo
* Aliens vs. Predators vs. Betty White
* Indiana Jones in the Catacombs of Incontinence
* Frost/Nixon 3-D
* Untitled Matthew McConaughey Project
* Three X-Men and a Baby
* Being John Larroquette
* Marley & Michael Vick
* Sleepless in Sheboygan
* It Happened One College Football Saturday
* Pac-Man: Legacy
* The Commendables: A Documentary Capturing Trite Good Deeds by Aging Stars
Posted by Stephen - Labels: list
August 25, 2010
1:23 pm
* Yawn Scratch Burp
* Eat Digest Poop
* Stop Drop Roll
* Eat Get Fat Gym Membership
* Cheat Slay Hug
* Shop Buy Return
* Eat Drink Schmooze
* Get Over Yourself
* Diet Binge Purge
* Sleep Work Complain
Posted by Stephen - Labels: list
August 23, 2010
1:12 pm
* Accepting her Emmy, throwing it into the pile with the others
* Maxim photo shoot
* Recording "Bettylicious" with Beyonce
* Writing memoir entitled, One Hot Mess...Whatever That Means
* Trying to avoid Gavin McLeod pushing her into a cake
* A very awkward Golden Girls reunion show
* Lead acrobat in Cirque du Soleil's newest Vegas spectacular, "O...NO"
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August 17, 2010
1:50 pm
* The banner in front of the school reads, “Welcome! It’s going to be a long year.”
* Bullying power moms steal your latte money in front of Starbucks
* All the other kids make fun of your child’s Eat, Pray, Love lunch box
* The cafeteria goes vegan
* Due to budget cuts, the school switches its mascot to The Janitor. Played by… the janitor
* Every other kid has a “Hot for Teacher” ringtone
* There’s a train leaving Sheboygan at 10:30, and another train leaving Cuyahoga Falls at 10:45…
* The class bully mentions that he learned mixed martial arts over the summer
* You see a bunch of “Drug-Free Zone” signs outside your child’s kindergarten
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August 13, 2010
11:54 am
* Is your butt glistening?
* Is the humidity index bringing you discomfort?
* Hmm... I thought Hell would have more celebrities.
* Beat you to naked!
* ACK! Clingy underpants! Clingy underpants!
* Hey, triple digits... here's a single digit!
* Is it ME enough for ya? (Get it? 'Cause I'm hot?)
* Wow, it's over 30 degrees Celsius, and you know what that means! (Unless you're dumb!)
* Is the allure of the creepy ice cream van finally getting to you?
*
Posted by Stephen - Labels: list
August 12, 2010
8:50 am
August 11, 2010
12:07 pm
* Tattoo "I" on one buttcheek and "Quit!" on the other. Drop pants.
* Giant foam middle finger
* Well, first you'll need 200 squirrels and the key to the supply closet...
* Two words: mariachi band
* Wrap towel around fist, punch timeclock
* Google your hot coworker... without a computer
* Streak the cafeteria. Stop to make a salad.
* Sing "I Believe I Can Fly" while riding your swivel chair through the lobby
* Forget to flush... for a month
* Re-create the closing scene of An Officer and A Gentleman, with yourself as Richard Gere and your cat as Debra Winger
* Engage your boss in an hour-long game of "I know you are, but what am I?"
* Commandeer the warehouse forklift for a trip to Hardee’s
* Respond to every customer question with "That's what she said!"
Posted by Stephen - Labels: Uncategorized, list
August 9, 2010
1:59 pm
* Where belly button fuzz comes from
* Why scissors come in tightly molded packaging that you need scissors to get into
* If it’s “Nobody does it like Sara Lee,” or “Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.”
* The lyrics to the song “Tusk.”
* Why men have nipples
* Math
* Where Alice slept on The Brady Bunch
* Why we had to learn to say, “Where is the library?” in Spanish class
* How Stella got her groove back
* Why no one recognizes our awesomeness
Posted by Stephen - Labels: list
August 2, 2010
11:23 am
* Underwater Hide and Seek
* Kick the Can
* Smell This!
* Swim Noodle Croquet
* Sink The Lusitania!
* Baby Pool Drinking Dare
* Biggest Can Opener Splash (With Actual Can Openers)
Posted by Stephen - Labels: list
