The Bourbon Legends

They’re like urban legends…only drunker.

 

ASSQUATCH

assquatch bourbon legend

Assquatch is an elusive beast that leaves distinctive, unnaturally large butt impressions on logs and rocks throughout the Northwestern United States.

 

CHALUPACABRA

chalupacabra bourbon legends

Wherever there’s a whiff of salsa in the air, there’s the possibility that Chalupacabra is near, ready to leap upon the plates of unsuspecting diners and suck the cheese out of their entrees.

 

THE WOMAN IN WHITE JORTS

woman in white jorts bourbon legends

One night, a man drove down a lonely road and picked up a hitchhiking woman who was wearing white jorts and just would not shut up about how her cousin Theresa thinks she’s all hot, but could stand to lose twenty pounds.

 

BLOODY LARRY

bloody larry bourbon legends

Legend has it that if you stand in front of your bathroom mirror at midnight and say “Bloody Larry” five times, you’ll see a man who is not good at all with power tools.

 

MOTH DAN

moth dan bourbon legends

Moth Dan is a mythological creature that is said to appear to people right before something just barely interesting happens – like the theft of a birdbath for instance.

 

DRUNK APE

drunk ape bourbon legends

For over a century people claimed to have seen this large, hairy creature stagger through alleys, mumbling incoherently and giving off visible fumes.

 

CREATURE FROM THE DARK BATHROOM

creature from the dark bathroom bourbon legends

It’s said that this monster first emerged from the bathroom of an apartment shared by four college students. It’s not really dangerous – just very, very disgusting.

 

BLENDER MAN

blender man bourbon legends

This faceless man is best known for stealing unwanted wedding gifts, then bombarding strangers with free smoothies.

 

BIGHANDS

bighands bourbon legends

This is the distant cousin of Bigfoot who is notoriously bad at putting together jigsaw puzzles.

 

 

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