Rock star Bono has received the Liberty Medal for his humanitarian work in Africa. Maybe, just maybe he has finally found what he was looking for.

A man in Germany who stole and resold more than a million screws has been arrested. Apparently, the nut was unable to bolt, and is now screwed.

Scientists have gathered DNA from an extinct mammoth. Still leaving no stone unturned in the search for Nicole Brown Simpson's real killer.

Someone is ditching lots of domestic rabbits into the wild. This causes much concern, especially among the country rabbits who resent the superior attitude of the city rabbits, who "hop around acting like their pellets don't stink."

President Bush wants to remake his image on Global Warming. He'll now advocate that Americans cut greenhouse gases... as long as they don't do it in church.

22 year old NBA superstar LeBron James will host the premiere of this season's Saturday Night Live. He'll then continue in the SNL tradition by going on to star in a formulaic sitcom, followed by a predictable romantic comedy, and finally develop a nasty addiction to pain killers.

Thieves have stolen a computer from film director Frances Ford Coppola that contains the script to a new film. In the thieves defense, they just love the smell of microchips in the morning.

by Bill

1) "Most guys just leave her hanging on the clothesline."
2) "If I'd known you had time, I would have taken off my pantyhose."
3) "Patience, ass, patience."
4) "If you hadn't tossed in that sandwich, I'd have starved to death."
5) "Master Bates, I presume."

Only about 20% of what gets turned in gets accepted and becomes a Shoebox card.
Here, we feature the other 80%.




Mom, I don’t think I’ll ever be as good a mom as you.
Which might mean the state will be giving you my kids. Good luck!

I’ve never been blinded by science, but honors trig made my eye twitch.
Your birthday is my favorite subject.

Instead of trying to build a better mousetrap, I think we should concentrate on a cure for cancer. But not for cancer in mice, because screw them.
Each year you seem to keep building a better you. Happy birthday!

“Love is better than dying alone.”
Wow, did my grandma have some depressing needlepoint throw pillows!
Makes a point, though. Love you!

Oh, you know, unconscious, blah, blah, ambulance, yadda yadda, resuscitate, etc., etc., rehabilitation, whatever, whatever…
Anyway, sorry I missed your birthday.

I’m sending all my love with this card.
Unless it’s extra postage.

You had a girl?
Better luck next time.

Get Bam something nice for his birthday!
(He's registered at the Emergency Room.)

"If you ever yearn for simpler times, just remember the coffee would suck."

—Chris C.

Some crazy bastard who apparently hasn't seen "Goodfellas" is suing Joe Pesci.

Thirteen people were arrested for collecting millions of aluminum cans out of state, and then cashing them in for 10 cents per can in Michigan, in what authorities say was the lamest organized crime syndicate ever.

An aquarium in Malaysia closed earlier this week, after 600 fish died mysteriously. Equally mysterious? The next day's opening of Ali's Sushi Emporium.

The Yankees are making their 13th consecutive trip to the postseason. Yet again, we turn to sports for compelling stories of how many good things can happen when you have lots and lots of money and no real value system whatsoever.

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Josie Moran was the first to be cut last night from "Dancing With The Stars." Way to hate, haters.

More Chinese toys were recalled Wednesday, ironically leaving American children nothing left to play with but fifty-year-old paint chips.

President Bush told a group of school kids, "Childrens do learn." And if they buckles down and studies hard, some day they might gets to becomes president also too.