by Dee Ann

1. Woody Allen
2. Box of Cereal
3. Uncle Sam who incidentally is also a used car salesman
4. Mime
5. That guy who paints on TV

In a story that's just made for Halloween, scientists are studying what goes on inside the brain when we're scared. Turns out most of us experience fear when scientists try to look inside our brains.

Barack Obama and John Edwards went on the offensive at last night's debate in Philadelphia, attacking opponent Hillary Clinton for engaging in doubletalk. Clinton shrugged off the remarks, saying, “No I don’t! Okay, sometimes. Just kidding! Don’t either. Don’t what? Let’s talk education.”

A California wildfire has been blamed on a boy playing with matches. Officials have called in Smoky the Bear to go all "bear" on him.

The Writers Guild of America contract runs out at midnight tonight, which could result in a strike affecting a number of writer-dependent TV shows, and not at all affect the reality crap we all hate ourselves for watching.

Rapper Kanye West will make his debut as an author next year, with the book “Thank You and You’re Welcome.” West went on to say that he ain’t sayin’ you’re a gold digger, but you should use that rich guy you’re with to buy everyone a copy.

If you're planning to give out individual sticks of gum as Halloween treats, then you might as well go out right now and smash your own pumpkin and save some kid the trouble.

—Mark

—Ringing someone's doorbell and yelling,
"There's nobody out here!"

—Soaping and rinsing windows

—Smashing a pumpkin, mixing with eggs, spices,
and condensed milk, pouring into a pie shell,
and baking at 375 degrees until a toothpick
inserted in the center comes out clean

by Scott



Marcus
Marcus the Mummy is quick with a curse.
And when he's out driving, it gets even worse.
An hour on the freeway will give him conniptions.
(A common complaint among undead Egyptians!)
All motorists ought to take heed of his wrath.
Just give him wide berth and stay out of his path.
His bone-chilling curse is the kind that will linger.
You don't want a mummy to "give you the finger!"

"On Halloween, if you hear a creepy continual scratching at the window, it's probably just a branch. Zombies use them to reach the windows."

—Dan

—Undertipping cows

—Turning the t.p. roll around so it unwinds the
wrong way

—Stealing dog poop out of someone's yard

Some parents are worried because Halloween costumes for pre-teen girls are getting so racy. As usual, there’s a simple solution: Everybody goes as Chuck Norris. Problem solved!

Surviving members of Jimi Hendrix's band have reunited to celebrate the release of a 40-year anniversary DVD featuring Jimi at Monterey. None of them will be playing guitar with their teeth. Not their original teeth, anyway.

Doctors are exploring the use of hot sauce for pain relief. Who's heading up this project, Dr. Pepper?

A pack of hunting dogs accidentally shot a man as he went to retrieve a fallen pheasant. Washington insiders say the dogs may be Vice Presidential material.

Rumor has it that the Barack Obama campaign has turned down an offer of help from Brad Pitt because the candidate’s handlers didn’t want him to appear “too Hollywood.” Same reason the Huckabee campaign turned down Joe Piscopo.

A survey says people who hit "reply all" on office e-mails are one of the biggest workplace nuisances. Forward this link to everybody you know. Not us, though.