Cameron Diaz may never have children, which is a crushing blow to celebrity kids’ rehab shows already scheduled for sweeps weeks in 2033.

If you make more than $200,000, you might encounter a new tax.  Or more specifically, whoever you pay to make it look like you don’t make $200,000 will encounter a new tax to get around.

Spirit Airlines cancelled all of its flights yesterday to deal with an employee strike.  Stranded passengers say the service has never been better.

The FDA is warning people who buy at-home genetic testing kits.  They’re saying that gene splicing in your bathtub may lead to a mutant super-species that could enslave the human race as a working food source, adding, “and we wouldn’t want that, now would we?”

The Army is replacing Velcro on uniforms with buttons after several soldiers accidentally displayed their weapons in public.

A feisty rebel who’s been pushed to the limit has turned himself into a one-man justice machine in Pakistan. Meanwhile Chuck Norris is smacking himself in the forehead saying, “Dang! That’s my gig!”

Topless pools are the hot new thing in Las Vegas. Well, of course they’re topless…how would you dive in if the pool had a top on it? Obviously you’d hurt yourself when you hit the…oh, wait…never mind.

Sarah Palin attributed the false claims that she has breast implants to “bored bloggers with nothing better to talk about,” adding, “maybe they should grab a shovel and go help clean up the Gulf.”  Opponents of Palin are shocked at her comments because they sound actually kind of reasonable.