If you want to work for Obama you must answer a sixty-three-item questionnaire, covering such topics as blogs, speeches, past lovers and gun ownership. Also, if your name is Clinton or Palin, you have to answer the “Where do you hope to see yourself in four years?” question.

Saturday Night Live is replacing new mom Amy Poehler with two performers, and one of them is the daughter of SNL and Letterman regular Chris Elliot!  If that doesn't make you feel old, it's because you're not old enough to know how old people feel.

Officials say Barack Obama is considering Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State.  Her first act in office will be to broker a peace deal between people who love her and people who hate her.

The CIA says that bin Laden is "isolated" and concentrating on survival.  Also, he's taking fitful stabs at dark poetry, and doing that thing where you keep picking up the phone just to see if it works, then hang it up because of course it works, it's just not ringing.

In England, one hundred and sixty people stripped to their undies to claim a world’s record. To defend America’s honor, junior high boys across the nation are trying to get junior high girls to break the record out behind the bleachers after school.

A brush fire in California has claimed several multimillion dollar homes and owners say they are devastated.  They have no ability to indicate that with facial expressions because of the Botox.  We just take their word for it. Up to 1 million people are expected to attend the inauguration in Washington.  So if you've got to go the bathroom, you better go now.