Breaking: The mystery woman with Kim Jong Un, not a Kardashian. Repeat: not a Kardashian.
The training may be grueling, the risk of injury constant, but at least, as an award winning Olympian, you probably won’t make any money.
There’s some debate over whether Supreme Court justices should be using the Google. Still, when one needs to find a sale on summer robes, where is one to go?
Doctors found a bristle from a grill brush lodged in a man’s stomach. This is what happens when you try to clean things, people.
This is probably a shot of Ashton and Mila on a motorcycle, but they’re wearing full-face helmets, so it could be Tom Arnold and Roseanne getting back together. But it’s probably Aston and Mila.
Prince Fielder is officially changing his name to Prince Hitter.
In other baseball news, Jerry Seinfeld explains why “Who’s On First?” is funny. Next he’ll explain why Abbott and Costello couldn’t really have gone to Mars with the available technology.
A man celebrated his 109th birthday. By our calculations, that makes just 19 more years before they can play “When I’m 64” twice at his birthday party.
Babies who hang out with dogs are healthier than babies who don’t, according to a new study from the Oh My Gosh That’s Cute Foundation.
See what I did there? With the title? I was not really looking forward to this because the other three seem pretty recent. But it might be like that kind of thing where you feel like it was pretty recently that you were at Red Lobster and then you start thinking about it and it was actually four years. Let me check… yeah, 3 was in 2007, so, longer ago than it feels. Just like Red Lobster.
Anyways, not looking forward to it that much, but now I gotta say I liked Andrew and Emma more than Tobey and Kirsten. They were great together, and the villain, Rhys Ifans, was pretty scary and layered even though his name is made up of sounds and not actual names. Also, one of the best Stan Lee cameos of all time.
It was a million outside, so that’s a strong hint, but this movie really made it feel like summer. It had lab coats and guys climbing up buildings and Sally Field putting her hand up to her mouth in a dramatic way. You know, summer stuff. And toward the end there’s a New Yawkah bit where it turns out they’re mostly gruff and lovable and kind of heroic and not just rude and over caffeinated. If that doesn’t spell “summer is here” then I don’t know what does. Except maybe a trip to Red Lobster.
Be sure to remember those less fortunate than yourself by reading today’s Newsdroppings to someone who didn’t check for malware and can’t get on line. C’mon people, now…smile on your brother…
Not Kim had a baby girl! She named her Penelope Scotland and she’s already got an exclusive diaper contract and is close to closing on a binky deal. Congrats to Mom, and of course, all the agents involved.
Are there only two big-name tennis people who ever win things? Because those people won a big tennis thing this weekend.
Gene Simmons has never been drunk or high. So those excuses are out.
A cold front will drop temperatures in the Midwest clear down to the low 90s. Good thing, too. The corn was starting to pop itself.
Good news: Adult playgrounds are being used to fight obesity. Bad news: There’s still a line for the swings.
In a clear victory for the “buy local” movement, Canada will ban foreign strippers.
A New Orleans building that was set to be blown up has caught on fire instead in a classic case of “you can’t fire me, I quit!”
Kitty! Interrupted a live reporter! Aw! Kitty! So cute! Kitty!
A new documentary shows a side of Katy Perry that we haven’t seen. So it must not be the front.
That monkey that smokes cigarettes is going to quit cold turkey. Hopefully he won’t sneak smokes when nobody’s looking. Nobody likes a Cheeta.
Here’s a denerded explanation of that thing that scientists say they’ve sort of discovered although nobody’s actually seen it. It still makes us feel like we’re in the back row of the Intro to Chem class doodling spaceships in our notebooks.
In keeping with the patriotic spirit of this week, George Washington won $25,000 in the lottery. That’s a lot of powdered wigs and wooden teeth.
A bull elk scared a bunch of people on the beach. Rumor is he was running up and down the shore yelling, “SHARK! SHARK!” Which, come on, would freak you out too.
The San Francisco Airport is using goats to eat the dry grass around terminals, though they’ve yet to officially clock-in since they keep eating their ID badges.
One Kansas man wants to build a museum inside a baseball, but it sounds like he may be striking out.
A guy in Massachusetts has paid off his mortgage in pennies. Which makes a lot of cents. To coin a phrase.
Worms live longer in space. Now all we have to do is discover a planet with fishin’ holes.
Your computer might go kerflooey on Monday. Hopefully you’ll have a 9-year old nearby who knows how to fix it.
#76?! Shark week is #76? It’s a fun list and all, but seventy six? That’s only about 75 numbers low.
In other shark news, an 800-pound shark has been caught and signed to a Weight Watchers campaign.
In other weight loss news, research shows it’s very important to eat at the right time of day, so our plan is to just not stop. That way we don’t miss it.
A monkey escaped from a hospital in what officials are calling, “a movie that hasn’t been written yet” situation.
Some firefighters are setting homes on fire to save lives, and if you’ll excuse us we have to rethink everything we thought we knew about fire prevention.
A police dog tracked a suspect for three hours over four miles. Everything about that sentence made us sweat.
In other dog news, a dog is being blamed for a car accident. Allegations of homework-eating, however, have yet to be brought forward.
You say, “mandate.” I say, “tax”. Let’s call the whole thing off.
Michael Phelps is entered in seven events during next week’s Olympic swimming trials, but his coach says he might not swim them all to the finals. It depends on whether it gets cloudy, or his sunburn starts to peel, or he runs out of snack money, or that one cute girl from his class has to leave to babysit her little brother, or his mom makes him go home early to mow the lawn.
Swimmer Dara Torres failed to make her sixth Olympics. Man, she must feel just awful about what she’s accomplished in life.
The newly single Tom Cruise is 50 today. So get ready, 25-year old single women.
Researchers are spending a couple of million bucks to try to find the wreckage of Amelia Earhart’s plane that crashed 75 years ago. Even though that would make a nice down payment on a shiny new plane.
A woman in a low-cut top robbed an Australian gas station. The woman is currently being sought. Also, she robbed a gas station.
Airports are now using holograms to guide passengers through security because if there’s anything the security process needed it’s more alarmingly chipper icons that won’t respond to your questions.
Firefighters rescued a woman from a pool table. Sounds like a lucky break for her.
You can drive a tank and crush a car at a business called Drive-A-Tank. See you later. We have a, um, business meeting.
